Kia ora Tanner, this is a very descriptive piece of writing and I really like how you have used very specific words to create imagery for the reader. One thing I noticed was that sometimes your tense moves from 1st person to 3rd person, I wonder if you can find those parts and see if you can rework them to be a consistent tense? This would allow the story to flow better and be less jarring when it switches. Aside from that I think you have created a wonderful story that is exciting and engaging!
Tena koe Tanner, I really enjoyed reading your writing. Did you get your ideas from real life experiences or from what you may have been told/seen? I hope you continue this story as I want to know what happens next.
Kia ora Tanner, this is a very descriptive piece of writing and I really like how you have used very specific words to create imagery for the reader. One thing I noticed was that sometimes your tense moves from 1st person to 3rd person, I wonder if you can find those parts and see if you can rework them to be a consistent tense? This would allow the story to flow better and be less jarring when it switches. Aside from that I think you have created a wonderful story that is exciting and engaging!
ReplyDeleteTena koe Tanner, I really enjoyed reading your writing. Did you get your ideas from real life experiences or from what you may have been told/seen? I hope you continue this story as I want to know what happens next.
ReplyDelete